PAs and EAs are experts at making other people’s priorities happen. But whose success are you actually working for? In our latest Pally Talk workshop, author, speaker and coach Anna Lundberg turned the lens on our own priorities, and the hidden “success scripts” that keep us in reactive mode. Here are the key takeaways.
1. Start with your own definition of success
- Ask yourself: what does success mean to you? Not your boss, not your company. You.
- Our members said: time with family, financial security and freedom, flexibility, more time, not relying on anyone else, being recognised and appreciated, a happy boss, work and life balance, happiness, being present.
- The same word can mean very different things to different people, so be specific about what yours looks like.
2. Then look at where your time actually goes
- Look back at last week, or ahead at this week’s calendar and inbox. Jot down everything you spent time on.
- For most of us the list included: emails (ours and someone else’s), complex diaries, travel planning, bills, facilities, project management, resolving issues, supporting others, plus everything at home.
- Now ask: is this laddering up to my definition of success? Yes, no, or “ish”?
- Most of the group answered “ish”. That gap is where the work is.
3. Name what you want more time for
- Members wanted more time for: networking and events, creativity, growing their own business, learning and upskilling (including AI), thinking strategically, and being more present.
- These are the things that get squeezed when you’re firefighting.
4. Sort what’s in your control
What gets in the way? Workload, time, other people’s priorities, housework, money, the unpredictability of the role and self belief. Anna used Stephen Covey’s circles to sort them:
- Out of your control: company changes, decisions made several levels above you, other people’s reactions, the news. Notice them, vent if you need to, then let them go.
- Things you can influence: budget, your workload, decisions within your immediate team, how clients treat you, the services you offer if you run your own business.
- Things you can control: your own effort, your reactions, how you do a task, when you set your alarm, saying yes or no, building good relationships.
- Something that feels out of your control today may be something you can influence next year. One VA is gradually moving clients from hourly retainers to the project packages she enjoys.
- Small systems help. Anna gives each family member their own laundry day and uses AI to draw up the kids’ schedules. Less mental load, fewer decisions.
5. Why behaviour change doesn’t stick
- We all promise to leave on time, check email less or go for that run. A few days later, we’re back to old habits.
- That’s because a success script is running underneath: a rule or assumption picked up from teachers, parents, a first boss or social media.
- Underneath the script sits your identity: “I’m the reliable one”, “I’m the helpful one”, “people can count on me”.
- These scripts usually served you well. They got you the grades, the job and the recognition. The question is whether they serve you now, or whether the cost to your health, family, time or career is now higher than the benefit.
6. Common success scripts. Do any sound familiar?
- Being helpful means always saying yes.
- A good professional is always available.
- It’s not my place to give my view.
- Good work speaks for itself.
- Asking for help is a weakness.
- It has to be perfect before anyone sees it.
- Rest is something you have to earn.
- Everything is urgent.
- I have to be across everything.
- Downtime has to be useful.
- I’ll get to my priorities once everyone else’s are done.
7. Rewrite the script
Keep the identity, change the rule. Rewrites from the session:
- “A good professional is always available” becomes “A good professional has clear boundaries.”
- “Good work speaks for itself” becomes “I need to communicate my achievements, not just deliver good work.”
- “I have to say yes to be helpful” becomes “I can say no assertively without offending anyone.”
- “Downtime has to be productive” becomes “Downtime is just as important, and it doesn’t have to be productive.”
- “It’s not my place to give my view” becomes “I’m valued, and my view could help someone.”
- And a favourite: “Not helping is helping.” If you always fix things, others never learn to own them.
- As Brené Brown puts it: choose discomfort now over resentment later.
8. The four Rs
- Recognise the behaviour you want to change, such as saying yes before you’ve checked what it costs you.
- Review the success script underneath it, for example “Being helpful means always saying yes.”
- Rewrite it into something you believe: “A good professional has clear boundaries.”
- Rebuild your habits around the new script: block the time, set the boundary, and find someone to keep you accountable.
- Because the script underneath has changed, the new habit is far more likely to last.
- Finally, keep your definition of success front of mind, so more of your week moves from firefighting towards what matters to you.
Keep going
- Missed the session? Watch the full workshop replay in the Pally Talk community.
- Find more resources on success scripts via Anna’s feedback page. It takes two minutes.
- Questions, or interested in a session for your organisation? Connect with Anna on LinkedIn.
Anna Lundberg is an author, speaker and coach who helps founders and leaders rethink their definition of success. An Oxford graduate and former P&G marketer, she has delivered over 1,000 talks and workshops and recently gave the TEDx talk “Where your idea of success really comes from”.