Many of us want to create change in our lives, but we struggle to find the time we need to really think about the what, the why or the how.
It’s easy to find ourselves in a perpetual state of overwhelm; we’re stressed, overworked and burnt out. Understandable given everything we’re juggling. But if we linger too long in this space, it only limits our growth and ironically plunges us deeper into a sense of overwhelm.
But there is also something else hiding behind our resistance to change. An innate fear of the unknown which often disguises itself as busyness, procrastination, scrolling TikTok, a glass of wine, online shopping, *insert weapon of choice here*. To me, nothing hits like the dopamine of a new outfit to temporarily alleviate my financial anxiety. Ironic much? But though these distractions may provide us with a fleeting moment of satisfaction, it is short lived, and is actually just a diversion tactic from our subconscious that stops us from moving forwards.
So why is it so scary to make change and what can we do about it? The past year has been one full of change for me. From moving house, training as a Transformative Coach, quitting my job, starting a new job, training as a Meditation Teacher and now launching MOOD LDN, the only constant has been more change. And whilst I’m getting more used to making changes, one thing’s for sure…every time I’m faced with a new challenge, it feels like staring up at a mountain top from way down in the valley. The mountain is almost always easier to climb than I think it’s going to be, once I finally pluck up the courage to take the first step.
The Fear of Being Seen
‘Putting yourself out there’ sounds like such an easy thing to do in theory. So why is it that so many of us find it so difficult? Why are we so afraid of being seen?
It’s a pattern I’ve noticed in my coaching clients, in particular, my female ones. Now I’m not saying that men don’t experience fear of putting themselves out there and making change, but in my experience, many women (myself included) have a tendency to underestimate our own abilities and fear the repercussions of our decisions so much, that very often we don’t take any action in the first place. We play it small and hide in the shadows of giants, preferring to support others. We prioritise other people’s needs, and let their talents shine through, all the while letting our own take a back seat (stop me when you feel seen EAs…) We tell ourselves we don’t have the time / money / resources / headspace to make the changes that we want. We think the fact that we don’t have a clear and exact roadmap to take us from A-B, means we cannot, and should not, take even the first step. We feel so overwhelmed with possibilities and intimidated by the enormity of our own potential, not to mention the fear we feel that we may never be able to live up to it. So very often we cannot choose which path to take forward. We decide it is safer and wiser to not make a choice at all and stay exactly where we are. Of course the irony is, that not making a choice is also a choice. And that’s how we get stuck.
Creating a Vision for Change
My advice for anyone wanting to create change in their life, is first to get clear on your vision. Think about all the things you’d like to be different, the outcomes you’d like to achieve and the changes you’d like to make in your life. It doesn’t matter if you can’t quite figure out how you’ll get from where you are now, to where you want to be. That part can come later. The important thing is to clarify which direction you want to go in.
If you find this hard, and you don’t have a clear vision then see if you can tune into the energy that you’d like to create more of in your life. Maybe you want more excitement, fun and passion, or maybe you want more peace and calm. Whatever feels right for you, focus on that energy and see if your intuition gives you any clues about what sort of activities or goals might create more of that feeling in your life.
Your vision can act as your north star to guide you. Every moment we make decisions that will either move us closer to our vision, or further away. Now this is not to say that we can’t ever let our hair down, but it’s about bringing conscious awareness to our decisions. So when we take time for rest and recuperation, we are making a conscious choice to do so, and not out of fear / procrastination / because we have been sucked into another doom scroll on TikTok.
Explore the Reality
Next you want to explore where you’re at now in relation to your goal. What have you already tried? What’s worked well in the past and what hasn’t? What would need to change in order for you to move forwards?
To create change, it is not enough to simply think or ‘manifest’ our way to the things that we want. Not that there’s anything wrong with manifesting. If that’s a practice that works for you then that’s amazing. But sometimes there are very real and very unavoidable roadblocks standing in between us and the things that we want. These challenges can appear in many forms. Often the biggest hurdle to overcome is our own limiting beliefs. But sometimes, there are broader systemic challenges that we need to navigate; especially as women living and working within a patriarchy. By bringing these challenges out into the open, we can start to consider and explore how we could potentially work around them. Not always an easy thing to do, but true progress lies on the other side of discomfort.
Move with Intention
Once you’ve explored your vision and current reality, it’s time to take action. The trick here is to start small, so as not to overwhelm yourself. Think about the bigger picture and your vision for the future, but don’t expect to go from nought-sixty. Start by focusing on the tiniest change you can make. Take the very first step. See how that feels first, and then get back in your comfort zone. If that felt ok, then see if you can take things one step further. I want to reiterate that you don’t need to work out every single step and action you need to take to move towards your vision. Just think about the first few, but keep an open mind. You know which direction you want to go in, but be flexible. There may be some additional unforeseen obstacles that come up along the way so at any moment you should be prepared to pause, zoom out and assess if you’re still moving closer to your north star. Ask yourself:
Is this step moving me closer, or further away from the things that I want?
It’s Not About You
My work as a coach has taught me that change is very real and very possible. It’s not always easy, but in the right conditions, every person is capable of making changes and creating a different kind of future. And if it feels overwhelming thinking about all the pressure on you to make changes in your life, try a little reframe. Instead of focusing on all the things that you want, consider all the people you might be able to help.
To be in a position to make change, to have the freedom of choice, is an immense privilege that is not afforded to everybody. So you could argue that those of us who do have the power to make changes, also have a responsibility to use those changes for good. To not just make changes to ourselves, but to make changes to the world around us. In whatever way we can. It was Margaret Mead who said:
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed it is the only thing that ever has.”
We may not all be in the business of changing the world (although I hope that some of you will be), but if we can help even one person, or two, or three, who knows who those people may go on to help. By simply changing ourselves, we can create a ripple effect that can have a lasting impact on the people and the world around us.
Change is Complicated, but Possible
I am learning that change is complicated. It is nuanced and full of contradiction. But I have begun to experience and witness in my clients the immense power of change. And I truly believe that it is never too late to change.
This is why I decided to start MOOD LDN – a coaching studio and community for confidence, clarity, empowerment and growth. To bring like-minded women together to work through their fears and challenges, identify the gap between where they are now and where they’d like to be and then to call into existence the changes they’d like to make and the mountains they’d like to climb, one tiny step at a time. And in doing so, discover just how powerful and capable they are.
So my challenge to you is to ask yourself honestly what changes you’d like to make in your life. Some of them may be way overdue, but don’t let that stop you. It’s time to take back control and stop giving our power away. If you’ve been contemplating making a change, but unsure if you should, ask yourself the following questions:
What are you going to regret not spending this time on two years from now?
What is a future you’d feel excited to work towards?
How could your life change if you were able to create that future?
These are just some of the questions we could explore together in the coaching space. Questions to help you clarify what it is that you want, explore any challenges you need to overcome and then create a blueprint for success to take you from where you are now, to where you want to be.
We will not get the changes we want, unless we create the changes we want. It may be scary, but our courage and confidence will grow with every step.
Pally Talk members can take an exclusive 10% off any of MOOD LDN’s Transformative Coaching packages. Email lauren@moodldn.co or book a complementary taster session using the link below and quote the code ‘PALLYTALK’.
https://calendly.com/laurenparmar/discovery
LINKS
Website: https://moodldn.co/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moodldn.co/
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/laurenparmar
Substack: https://laurenparmar.substack.com/
